I did a guest DJ spot at a bar the other night. It was a first-time last-time kind of thing, and here’s why: I didn’t have any Thunderheist. When a girl requested it, I said I didn’t have any, thinking “yeah, I’ve heard about it, but I don’t need to hear it. I get it”. So I went on playing my new wave, and my Pavement, and lo, not a soul was dancing. I went home that night, feeling a bit rejected, but also with a bit of “they just don’t get it” in there too. I looked up Thunderheist, and threw my ipod in the garbage, I was no longer worthy of it.
Thunderheist are dancefloor doctors, in the sense that in that area of study, they have not only assessed and critiqued the field, they have contributed to the wealth of knowledge.
If I’ve deciphered the thesis of their “promo cd” (no album exists to date), they’re teaching us many things about making people dance:
1. Make your lyrics constantly about dancing. “Get yo back up off the wall”, “S’okay, get drunk get wild”, “can’t dance, get off the floor”, “shimmy shimmy cocoa puffs”.
2. Keep your lyrics extremely simple, even to the point of syllabic free association (as in the case of “shimmy shimmy cocoa puffs”).
3. Beats are like the wheels of a car. You’re not going to re-invent anything, just make sure they work really well.
4. MC with a sexy confidence rivaled only by the most fictitious archetypes of Most Popular Girl In School, Queen of the Castle, and Sexy Badass Lead Cheerleader.
5. Regarding the last quality, an MC’s best quality is enviability (I want to be her!).
Parc Jean Drapeau Montreal, Quebec Saturday, Sept. 8th on the Meg Stage
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